News - Turn 6

News comes mainly from newspapers, TV or blogs. But even the newspapers and TV companies publish their content online these days, generally with comment facilities for the public to make their opinions known. This turns out much as you'd expect.

News published from 8th February 2020 to 16th March 2020

Main Story

(From The Independent, 3rd March 2020)

HEALTH agencies worldwide have been caught unprepared by an unseasonal flu pandemic. Experts are urging people not to panic about the sudden spread of H3N1 influenza, which has already infected over 12 million people worldwide. “While the appearance of a new pandemic strain of flu is always a matter of concern”, said Professor Simone Clark of Imperial College, London, “H3N1 appears to have an even lower mortality rate than the H1N1 strain that spread in 2009. Symptoms are likely to be relatively mild in the vast majority of cases, and tend to pass in a few days at most.” The death toll so far is thought to be around 3500, with the majority being among those over 65 and the very young. The Health Protection agency has advised that urgent medical attention be sought for anyone in these at-risk groups who showing flu-like symptoms.

Scientists have warned that it will be several months before a vaccine can be produced, but some have been claiming that a Russian vitamin supplement, known as Loopy Pills, available over the internet can keep the flu at bay. “I’ve been taking the pills for two years now”, said Arnold Waller, 51, “and while the rest of the family have been in bed feeling miserable since Thursday, I’ve been fit as a fiddle”. However Dr. Drew Waite, a GP from Berkshire, was sceptical “What we are seeing here can only be an example of a placebo effect. Though I’ve had two people in claiming that the pills are a miracle cure, routine genetic tests showed that they both had a rare mutation that interferes with this particular strains ability to enter cells. You’ll always get someone claiming to have cured the latest “big” disease, but I’m afraid bed rest is the best cure you’ll find for this one.” The Independent has been unable to contact Loopy Pills Ltd for comment.

Other Articles

Headline: 'Aprilist Copycat' Bomb In Birmingham [The Times]

5 dead in Bull Ring shopping centre blast

  • 6. LexicalNightmare: So who the hell are the 'UK Freedom Force' and why have we never heard of them before?
  • 7. ElecticSquid: @LxicalNitemare theyre goign on about encryptoin and surveliance state they sound like teh real aprilist with a funnyhat on
  • 23. Skidoo: Looks like a government setup to me. 'SOCA claim encrypted communications hampered their investigations' - they're just trying to make the UK public support their anti-encryption bill.
  • 25. Hammer99: @Skidoo What they hell was that?? Look at the article, 5 people dead and twelve in critical condition. Trying to use this to push your own personal politics is disgusting. Why is nobody actually commenting on the human cost of this hideous act?
  • 31. Hopelock: I'm praying for everyone affected by this tragedy.

Headline: Enigmatron Get Even Cooler [NME]

Chess shoots stunning new video in the Antarctic

  • 1. User: I<3JOHNNY Wow! I wish I was that girl in the video!! Johnny as an alien is genius I love the costume!!!
  • 7. User: FortuneFaded It's certainly quite impressive given that he had to go to the freaking Antarctic to shoot it. I'd have used a sound stage; Johnny wants the real deal. And done so quickly as well - that's new technology for you. Still, bluescreen would have been easier. They might not have even needed the band, the way that tech is improving.
  • 8. User: jurny Hey NME, get your noses out of Johnny Chess's ass. We get it. You guys love him. Just at least pretend you're journalists.
  • 20. User: Mr_Farenheit I heard a rumour someone tried to assassinate Chess recently. Not reported in the press, of course. I wonder who he's annoyed this time…
  • 21. User: JRoger If anyone wants the audio only, I got it here. The video's good, but I can't stand the look on that chick's face.

Remains of Canadian Man Discovered in Parking Lot

Grisly “Freak Accident” to blame, Wyoming police claim

  • 1. AvengedProtector: I heard the body was in pieces. Like, lots of pieces. Are they seriously trying to blame an RTA?
  • 16. KingCougar: It’s the damnliberals – since they banned wolfhunting around the Yellowstone borders those creatures have got out of control.
  • 28. MissSmith: He’s right – nobody cared when it was just the farmers losing cattle, but the police are definitely covering something up. I hear there were bite marks on some of the bones!
  • 35. Meglos002: “…identified as Matthew Debenham, is alleged to have been dead for several weeks by the time the body was discovered” – he was in a Sears Car Park for cryinoutloud – are they seriously suggesting nobody noticed a dead dude all that time?
  • 48. CadMantle: What I want to know is, what was a Canadian with a biology PhD from UCLA doing in the sticks in the middle of the countryside in the first place? There’s nothing out there and they didn’t find any car.
  • 60. MaBloom: ”…no identification in his wallet, and had to be traced from dental records. It is alleged that robbery was not a motive, as a silver pendant in the shape of an ankh was found on the ground near the body…” - fucking goths!!1!

Headline: Plight of the Kangaroo not much of a plight? [Radio Times]

Shauna Li documentary shows Australia in surprisingly positive light

  • 11.WildLifeSuzie: So it looks like the Aus goverment might have pressured to show them in a good light, big deal. Shana Li is all about the animals, and I knwo she wouldn't sell out on that. If she has to bend a bit to raise attention about the plight of various species then so be it. This is, after all, the first time the international stage has had an opportunity to see how the Kangaroo is doing in over a decade. And of course we now know that the Yellow-bellied Glider is under threat of extinction.
  • 17.PracticalBusiness34: I can't believe she sold out. I'm never watching her again.
  • 34.pEaNuTbOoTy: As cute as the Forest Dragon was, I was promised dragon wrestling! It just sat on her forearm!
  • 54.P3454NT5R3V01T: Ah the wonders of celebrity. Wonder how many australians would like to flit across the border like that.
  • 65.TVWatcher23: Why is everyone jumping to conclusions? Okay so Australia has been known to be on the extreme end of scary goverment, but this has usually been related to foreign agencies and reactionaries. Why would you assume that they treat their average citizens poorly? Strikes me as a quick way to civil war if you ask me.

Headline: London Aprilist Cell Captured [BBC]

Ongoing police investigation hampered by encrypted communications

  • 6. VanishinglySmall: What exactly do they mean by 'non-conventional weaponry'? Biological, chemical, nuclear or what? Don't you realise how much you're scaring people by being vague like this??
  • 8. Jones123: @VanishinglySmall Don't be a dick, the#'d say something if it was WMD kinda stuff, surely? Must be something else.
  • 11. ParanoiaAgent: @Jones123 I agree with VanishinglySmall, 'non-conventional weaponry' is mil-speak for CBN - I mean, WTF?? How did they get that kind of shit into the country?
  • 14. Legom4n: @ParanoiaAgent Will you shut up with this conspiracy theory stuff? It's probably EMP or something.
  • 24. Checkers42: I agree with VanishinglySmall, ParanoiaAgent and the rest. We need to know what these terrorists were using. I have a wife and three kids, and I'm not going to sleep properly knowing that more terrorists are out there with what sound like miniature WMDs are still loose in this country.
  • 45. VelcroFeet: No, seriously guys, can we talk about something other than WMDs? You've missed the point, there's more to this story than that!
  • 65. Admin: Thread closed due to breaches of the BBC News Terms of Service

Headline: McGregor to be Democrat Candidate [Washington Post]

Competitors Withdraw after Super Tuesday Triumph

  • 4. Starchild13: Good to see that he finally decided to take a stand on a few things. Hope he wins, that would put the wind up all those dictatorships. And the UK. Oh wait.
  • 16.PhoenixUp: Hope he doesn’t choose the NHS obsessive as his running mate. I think her picture comes up on the Wikipedia page for “electoral liability”.
  • 19.AVuncular: The campaign materials from both sides have gotten really good. This is shaping up to be much more interesting than I expected.
  • 25.SlakeT:@AVuncular: agreed. I hope both sides get around to choosing running mates soon. That’s when the really vicious stuff will surface. It must be Fowler from the Democrats, but I wouldn’t like to call it between Blane and Halter.
  • 29.Admin_Mike: @PhoenixUp: you really should have learnt how IP addresses work by now. Boasting about wiki vandalism is against the rules. Enjoy your suspension.

Headline: World's Unluckiest Woman [News of the World]

San Francisco woman loses entire family to freak accidents

  • 12.BronzeSkull98: Poor Mrs Finkelstein. I'd hate to be in her shoes right now.
  • 23.KillerBeetle: Bottom dollar says the government did it.
  • 24.Badger_Cigar: Nah, not the gov's style. That would have been a bus bomb or something. No, this one's too weird. Although they all seem to have died in mechanical failures of some sort, which is a bit too coincidental.
  • 30.Delta_Green: Does a crane dropping a load of bricks onto a car count as a mechanical failure? Actually I guess it does.
  • 59.Pericles_Now: No. Can't be a coincidence. All in the same month? All of 'accidental death'? Forget it.
  • 96.Rambeaux: I think I've worked out the secret. It's media sensationalism capitalising on one poor woman's unfortunate circumstances. I for one send Victoria my prayers.


  • I am the cancer killing /h/ - Seen on chatrooms for online poker games
  • Mind the gap! Mind the gap! penguins await inside! - A large board outside the Antarctic archaeological excavation
  • and boy, they're mean! - a smaller inscription scratched underneath said board
  • I'M TRAPPED IN THE TUBE! - Sprayed across the walls of several Northern Line stations, London, UK
  • Yet if hope has flown away
    In a night, or in a day - Johannesburg
  • The ship of nails breaks free - Stockholm
  • Comiket - Table 13, Cafe Rouge, Moscow.
  • We tend to think of them more as guidelines - OU physics department
  • We're in the Matrix - Scrawled in a subway in Prague
  • They're in the Tuna - Toilet wall, Hicks Bay, New Zealand
  • Soylent Green is penguins! - Seen on the Basque University campus
  • Boiled shrimp shell is the key, dumplings are misleading - Defacement of several chinese cooking wikipedia articles


Chessboard entry 363

Exegi monumentum aera perennius
  Regalique situ pyramidum altius,
    Quod non imber edax, non Aquilo impotens
      Possit diruere aut innumerabilis
        Annorum series et fuga temporum.
          Non omnis moriar, multaque pars mei
            Vitabit Libitinam.

(I have reared a memorial more enduring than brass, and loftier than the regal structure of the pyramids, which neither the corroding rain nor the powerless north wind can destroy; no, not even unending years nor the flight of time itself. I shall not entirely die. The greater part of me shall escape oblivion.)


In the future everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.


Horace was referring to his work, his words, which endure for as long as anyone pays attention to them. He was writing as a poet who had already achived celebrity and could be fairly certain that his words would be read for a good long time after his death, so he was certain that he was correct in this statementm give or take a touch of hyperbole.

Warhol was talking about the growth and accessibility of media, and he was more right than he thought. Internet technology takes power over who is listened to in the world entirely out of the hands of the captains of the media industry. Everyones words are now out here, captured in time and preserved for as long as blogspot and livejournal and myspace and flashforce and dreamwidth and googleworks and all the others exist, and all the backups, and all the caching services and perpetual blasts of the wireless signals off into the dark.

Now we are all immortal.

Raphael Hythloday's Blog

“It seems all my moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

I am God, three-in-one, but can I send the rain back into the heavens and the tears back into your eyes? We're about to find out…”

Billy Sheers

I'm made of metal

My circuits gleam

I am perpetual

I keep the Country Clean

The Bayesian Avenger

Right. There have been a few changes around here, and I want to explain why. Firstly, I want total control over what happens on this blog, and to that end, only I get to post images. The rest of you are stuck with text. Sorry, but I'm not having other people posting their little steganographic conversations on my turf. You can do that somewhere else. I'm not having random chunks of data I can't read flying around here. Call me paranoid if you like, but given some of the shit our government's pulling, I can't reject the hypothesis that they really could be out to get us.

Secondly, my stance on the government in general has gone from scornful to quite genuinely worried. Never believe it's a conspiracy when you can explain it as a cock up, but it's getting to the point where all the possible cock ups are either adding up to a truly astonishing cascade of incompetence, or to a rather nasty Australia-style power grab. We've got a series of bloody stupid MoD spending decisions being used as a smokescreen to cover some truly hideous experiments with drug-assisted interrogation and really rather extreme surveillance measures. We've got politically inconvenient types being gaslighted, threatened and conveniently shot resisting arrest. More petitions, strongly worded emails and Mass Lone Protests may not cut it any more. Keep your heads down. Or at least get yourselves some tin hats.

news/turn_6.txt · Last modified: 2009/11/24 10:27 by gareth
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